I am so obsessed with searching for the truth about what's really going on in my life that I have neglected to see the bigger picture of what is revolving around my life. The more I wana know the truth about things happening in my life, the more agony I am in when I can't find the truth. I no longer trust the meaning of truth. What is perceived to be true to others may not be so to me. But why do I still persist in finding out things when I know that the truth will hurt? I think I am turning into a masochist. I don't mind inflicting mental and emotional torture on myself. Maybe that is the way for me to go through life in a painful way? I dont think I deserve that but perhaps no pain no gain? I am a confused soul. I love and yet hate the pain.