i have been so busy hanging out at the library which has never been and will never be my fav haunt. Hate that place coz it'salways so cold and unfriendly and even noisy. I can't imagine what it will be like when the cafe in the library opens. Pretty dumb move to put a cafe in the library when librarians are always screaming at us to shut up.

I recently dropped out of one of my classes because I decided that I can't take the pressure as there's too much stuff going on. I decided to slog more next sem. Meanwhile, I rather concentrate on my research which is killing me. Hey, does anyone know when the hell was the article on whether local critics are rude or not was published? I need it DESPERATELY! :( Sighh, I just changed my research topic again after having put so much effort for the prev topic. I feel really down because I can't seem to focus or digest my studies. I wana kick some bloody ass. I feel v frustrated. I am not coping! Oh gosh...

I just remembered that I dreamt of a gruesome car accident, saw the victim bleeding in my dream. It must be THE EYE which probably terrified me into having even more nitemares :( I just hope that this dream of mine doesn't come true, don't think I wana see any blood spilling on the road :P Yucks. Don't know why I am so scared of seeing people bleeding. Remember there was once when I accompanied my sis to a clinic, we saw a fight at the hawker centre which is next to the clinic so we could not get outa the clinic. Saw the victim bleeding profusely from his forehead as he slowly got up from the floor, looked like some kinda horror movie. The beads of blood that streamed down his face scared the hell outa me. After that incident, I never dared to go anywhere near the clinic or the hawker centre.

Bloody incident no 2: I was on my way home when this group of people started to gather around the landing of an escalator. As I definitely had to pass by this escalator in order to make my way home, I walked towards them. From far, I saw an old man lying on the floor so I thought he fainted. As I walked nearer, I thought my vision was abnormally coloured for I saw a huge patch of red colour on the floor and I suddenly realised to my horror that it was a huge pool of blood on the floor. I freaked out because the sudden realization was too much for me. I tried to deny what I saw but the horror took a stronger grip on me. I quickly hurried away and turned my head away because I don't wana see anymore blood. I was just wondering if I am the only witness to a person who's bleeding helplessly, would I stay behind and help the person or turn away because I am scared of seeing blood? I really don't know. I hope I make the right decision if anything of this sort happens.

*sigh* My supervisor insists that my questionnaire consists of only 1 question, what kinda questionnaire would that be then? I am at a loss, I hope whatever question I come up with would help me yield a rich data :( I am worried shitless. I am contemplating on investigating pick-up lines used by guys and gals in pubs. I wonder if I would get an interesting array of answers? Sigh, sad to say, I gota limit my age, racial and socio-economic group of subjects :( Arghh! Don't you think that sucks? I do! Coz I don't think I will be able to get any interesting answers! I wish I can hit the pubs and do a naturalistic kinda investigation but the chances of being picked up or observing others being picked up are remote. Plus, I gota control the age group. Can't possibly go up to this guy who is abt to pick up another gal and ask him how old he is! I feel so restricted in my research :( Wish I could change my topic to more interesting stuff like: The use of language in concert reviews / the ideology found in Straits Times / the use of language in literature texts. Sigh, I wish I had been smarter when I chose my topic :(

Recently watched Minority report. Am very fascinated by the pre-cognition thingy, I wish I have the ability to predict things too,but not predict murders, would like to predict the exam questions that would come out. hehe.

It feels so darn gooooddd to be back in sch, yay! Back to the crazy amount of readings, back to breaking school rules and saying hi to lecturers and long lost friends. I feel so happy strangely, but I suppose this feeling of euphoria comes from the sufficient sleep I get to have when I am schooling. Plus, I get to go to school only 3 times a wk! How good can life get... hehe... Anyway, be prepared to get a call from me as I would probably be doing some research thingy on you people. Meanwhile, be good and happy slogging ;P

She did not realize that the eyes were staring at her. She continued to hurry through the forrest. There were owls on each tree that she walked past. They stared at her and each let out a mournful cry. The wolves were getting ready to tear her apart. She sniffed the danger in the air and held onto her newborn child even more tightly.

A shrill cackle hit her nerves. She buckled under the weight of her baggage and fell on her knees, sobbing like a helpless child who had lost her mother. Those yellow eyes flashed with an evil glee. Those curved nails ran through the fur of the wolves in rapid yet trembling excitement. The rhythmic sound from those running pointed feet drove the wolves wild, all of them were blood thirsty, almost leaping towards their prey.

She screamed at the pointed jaundiced face and the foaming wolves. She begged them to spare her child as they closed in on her menacingly. Those jaundiced eyes were eyeing her so hungrily. The owls orchestrated a dissonant symphony along with the spine tingling howls from the wolves and that shrill cackle.

"Help me! Somebody please! Oh ma'am, please spare my child at least."

"Kiss your last goodbyes!"

"Oh gosh, I recognize your voice. Ivil, is that you? Why?! Why me? How are you going to live with your conscience if you ever kill your own mother?"

"Mother? You dare to claim me as your daughter? You selfish bitch! You would rather abandon me in the woods and let me die here just because our neighbours thought that I am a witch?"

"I did that to protect you, you would have been burnt to death! I could not bear to leave you here either but there was nowhere else I could hide you!"

"And you actually abandoned me here instead of accompanying me in the forrest? Do you know how a ten year old girl feels when she is abandoned in the woods? Do you know how harsh the weather is at night? Do you know how unsafe it is when snakes, scorpions and even wolves want a piece of my flesh? I had to depend on myself to survive! Luckily, the creatures which tried to attack me died before they could even touch me or I would not have been able to exact my revenge on those sinners!"

"So you are the one who killed the entire village at night? Those mysterious deaths, those jaundiced corpses were your masterpiece? Why?"

"Yes because they accused me of being a witch! If it weren't for them, I would be alive and lead a normal life now! It is their fault and yours too and you are my final victim! I have saved the best for the last! Oh Sweet Sweet revenge! Spirits of the forrest come forth to witness this! Spirits of the night and day, come forth to dip your hands in the blood of this Christian. Spirits of the earth, come revel in my joy. Oh how I love the pungent smell of evil, roasting a delicious meal for me! My nails are sharpened to scrape your scalp out. My wolves will nibble on your limbs while I will thrust my hands into your bloodied heart to see its colour. I will lick the grey matter from your head and taste its juice. O how delectable this meal will be ever since you left me here to look for food on my own! I will not eat my sister yet until my next craving. So kiss this world goodbye and Amen to you."

The baby cried, the symphony of sounds climaxed and her screams soon died down while the wolves grunted with satisfaction. The cackle once again pierced through the forrest with a more triumphant tone and all those eyes disappeared into the darkness.

Heard that the staff of a school enjoy staying back till 10pm as they find it cozy. They actually put pillows in their office and R&R there whenever they are tired. It's strange that they rather go home late and hang out with their colleagues in the office. I can't help but imagine that they are probably on some kind of nightly drug orgy. *grins* I have no idea why I think like that but it amuses me terribly whenever I imagine them getting high on drugs so that's why they enjoy one another's company. That will also account for their absence from their house as they can't share their ecstasy with their family. This sounds really crazy because they may just simply be pure workaholics who treat their workplace as their second home (no life). But I can't see how anyone can get cozy in their office. I wouldn't wana chill out in my office if I have completed my work and hang around with my colleagues. I think I would have had enough of seeing my colleagues everyday. I refuse to even pack my lunch and eat it in the office because I know that I need a break from the madness in the office. I think lunching at the work table is really a bad habit, I see people doing that so often. They don't realise how important it is to get a good break and they will be more refreshed after taking their lunch elsewhere with their colleagues. Lunching with my friends definitely makes me more alert as the lunch becomes very "light hearted". I think I will feel really depressed eating at my work table. Anyway, enough bitching about work and stuff, I wana focus on what's going to happen this coming school term. I am really looking forward to seeing interesting people in campus *grins*. And when I say interesting people, I don't mean hunks or babes, I mean weird or bitchable people (people who can be bitched about). hiaks...

Let me cry,
Make me smile,
Wipe my tears away dear,
Kiss my fears away.

Some girl I am
is waiting for your love,
You are the one,
who will piece together,
my lost heart.

So let me hope,
if dreams come true.
I'll believe in them,
so they'll come true.

Sighh.. this must be a darn lame modified version of Let me fall. Just needed to do something crappy. Been so tired out from work for the past 3 weeks that I am so glad I am going back to school. Phew. I have been trying to catch as much sleep as I can, my beauty sleep is so precious to me :P Anyway, I can see that I am really going to have no life once I start work next year. I will be working my ass off and make a beeline for my bed before I take my dinner and watch a bit of telly then sleeping at 10+ . This is such a boring life. Heard that the head of a school actually wants the staff to work on Sundays if they can't finish their work on Friday. Gee, how inhuman people can get. I hope my "boss" won't be sucha meanoid.

Hi
Skippy: Hi
Why do you laugh at me?
Skippy: I am laughing at your stupidity.
Thanks, but why do you say I am stupid? I am NOT! You B|00DY piece of shit!
Skippy: See, only the stupid say senseless, violent things.
That's not stupidity, I was just being irrational. You can call me anything but stupid, you hear that, ASSHOLE?
Skippy: There, you have just proven your stupidity again. Think before you say or act. Why repeat the same mistake when you know that I have labelled your previous action as stupidity?
Well, I was just being a little jumpy, that's all. Check the dictionary before you define stupidity, you ignorant little PIG!
Skippy: Hahaha.
What's so funny?
Skippy: (Mechanical laugh this time)
Shut your freaking mouth up!
Skippy: (Continues to laugh and starts to roll eyes)
I'll let you have your last laugh then. (Bang)
Skippy: (Dead silence and glazed eyes)
Ha! Ha!

So badly I want to vent my frustrations,
I will just take it out on anyone and anything.
So badly I want to right everything that went wrong,
I want to turn back time.
So badly I want to find a reason for why things turn out this way,
I blame myself and everyone else.
So badly I want to be tortured,
I think the worst and hate myself.
So badly I want to be unconscious,
I numb myself then...

I am in the realm of unconsciousness,
images of my life are swimming around me.
I reach out to touch them,
they dissolve into a thousand fragments.
Every memory evades my touch,
so afraid I will contaminate the innocence in them.
I am bored because I can't interact with my memories.
I want to go back to the real world but I can't.
It's too late, the shaft of light is disappearing.
The voices from outside are fading, the crying, the wailing.
Darkness is swallowing me,
it is suffocating.
I do not want to burst anymore of my memories,
they are my only light.
I see an empty bubble,
is it supposed to hold my future?
It is special,
it is firm,
it won't burst.
I push my way into it.
I am in it.
It is getting smaller,
I am squatting,
now crouching.
I am curled up,
I am tiny,
my memories are gone,
all around me is red.

At the rate I am sharing drinks and food with my friends, ie an exchange of saliva, I wonder what are my chances of getting hepatitis? Sigh.

I want to scrape out my heart
to see how black it is
how black my hate is
feel its pain and anguish.
I want to measure with a thermometer
to see if there is anymore warmth left
in this little chamber.
I want to see how tiny and narrow
my little heart is,
as nothing else can be accomodated in it.
I want to hear what my heart,
what it has to say to me,
if I had hurt it so badly.
I want to listen to its fears,
its cries for help,
and try my best I will,
to nurse and comfort it.
I want to check my heart for wounds,
for if I do not heal them,
my heart will die,
so will my determination.
I want to love my heart,
for it is the only thing
that keeps me alive in every way.
So my dearest heart,
please don't die on me
for you are all I have left.

Take these, my dear, for you deserve them...
My bleeding heart and those little white hearts that I fold for you. Smear the blood from my heart on those white ones.
A drop of my bitter-sweet tear.

A song I will croon for you,
specially dedicated to only you.
Hear my heart breaking,
my tears falling,
pining for you.
Listen to my heart,
you will hear
my regrets,
my apologies,
my fault it is.

I am an extraordinary tap, I will only work for the special you. I hope u will come along again someday to let my water flow again. My water may not run dry but use it well for in it is my anguish, pain, happiness and love for you. I hope it does not sting your tongue or taste bitter but instead an underlying warm sweetness.