My colleague recently gave me a truly authentic list of shakespearean insult sheet flown in from Stratford upon Avon, England.

Here goes:
1. u bawdy, bunch-backed canker-blossom!
2. u brazen clay-brained clotpole
3. u churlish dog-hearted crutch
4. u distempered empty-hearted cutpurse
5. u fitful evil eyed dogfish
6. u gnarling eye-offending egg-shell
7. u greasy fat-kidneyed gull-catcher
8. u grizzled heavy-headed hedge-pig
9. u haughty horn-mad hempseed
10. u hideous ill-breeding jack-a-nape
11. u jaded, ill-composed malkin
12. u knavish, ill-nurtured malignancy
13. u lewd, iron-witted malt-worm
14. u peevish, lean-witted manikin
15. u pernicious, lily-livered minimus
16. u prating, mad-bread miscreant
17. u purpled motley-minde moldwarp
18. u queasy muddy-mettled nut-hook
19. u rank onion-eyed pantaloon
20. u reeky, pale-hearted rabbit-sucker
21. u roynish paper-faced rampallion
22. u saucy pinch-spotted remnant
23. u sottish, raw-boned rudesby
24. u unmuzzled, rug-headed ruffian
25. u vacant, rump-fed scantling
26. u waggish, shag-eared scullion
27. u wanton shrill-gorged snipe
28. u wenching sour-faced waterfly
29. u whorseon, weak-hinged whipster
30. u yeasty, white-livered younker

Pardon me if any of these insults are too vulgar for u. I have no idea what the full meaning of each sentence is. I only know part of the sentence. Well, this is really useful for u if u wana insult someone in a sophisticated manner.