i bloody hate field research, how many bloody times must I bitch about it? I dread the thought of begging people to help me for my research. Wish that I don't have to pretend to be so nice and humble when asking for help. Yucks, makes me wana puke when I gota act real coy and pathetic and sorry for intruding on other people's time.

Hate doing so many readings coz Im so bloody sick of reading the same old shit from article to article. Don't think I am cut out for research. Or perhaps this is not the right time of the year to do any research coz I have too many unsettled issues to handle.

I feel so down.
but I do feel good once in a while when I am kept busy which I am trying to do now.
But i still feel down at the end of the day.
I can't focus, I have a really terrible time focussing.
Wish I know some form of meditation so that I can feel some kinda inner calm.
I am already suppressing so much in me coz I know I will just get violent if I don't.
I feel so choked and this is really making me feel terrible.
I wish I have an angel to guide me, to teach me how to alleviate this pain.
I wish there is someone whom I know will always stand by me.
I don't wana feel so lost, I am trying so hard to put on a facade so that nobody can guess the real me.
I believe that most people think that I am really cranky and happy go lucky.
Wish i have someone who really understands me.
Gee, does this sound like some bloody list of characteristics I wish to find in my soulmate?
I dunno...
just feel damn down even though I have talked to so many people.
Why?
Why me?
Why not someone else?