I just did a presentation today in a peranakan costume. Never knew that i would look good in other ethnic groups' costume :P Had to be decked in another ethnic costume to convey the main point of the presentation which is the taking on of various identities, that the self is always fluid and sometimes contradictory. in wearing this ethnic costume, i felt that i was wearing another culture onto myself, that I was highlighting the differences between being a Chinese and a Peranakan. That the Chinese does not look as natural wearing this as compared to a Peranakan. But then again, this depends on our imagination, how well we can imagine ourselves to fit into a certain culture or ethnic costume. If we can imagine ourselves to look natural in any ethnic costume, The Self vs Other distinction is broken down. Perhaps my Self does not permit such imagination because I am not able to look beyond the superficial appearance, thinking that ethnic costumes define our identity when it is actually our cognitive imagination which controls our identity. I wish I can look at the Other through their perspective, or as what some theorist says: looking at the Other through the eye of the needle. Sometimes it is also other's perception which defines our own identity. And because we want to be validated by the majority, we try to assimilate by defining our identity that is similar to the majority's. Our need for acceptance motivates us to behave in a certain way, but of course this does not apply to everyone as some may subvert the way the majority behave. Perhaps in behaving subversively, they are resisting their powerless subject positioning. they are trying to reorganize a sense of who they are and put up counterdiscourses to highlight their own culture, their own unique existence. However, these people's identity is probably the most volatile as they constantly need to reorganize a sense of who they are as they have to ensure that the identity they adopt is subversive or different from the majority's. I wonder how these people feel about their fast changing identity though, how tiresome it is for them to possess such a fluid identity. I would not subject myself to such trauma, not that I am a conformist, wanting to be like the majority but it is tiring and a waste of time trying to subvert or be different from the rest. Sometimes the choices given to us are also so limited that we are rather homogenous due to these limited choices. Thus, we may end up seemingly conformists but the choices given to us by the powerful are limited and it is too tiring or troublesome to subvert.

I hate electronic board discussions. especially when the topics are boring and i am compelled to participate since it counts as part of the grade. ironically, the course is on motivation and none of us feels motivated. we have come to the point of boycotting the discussion. it's a cool thing to see everyone boycotting it but it may not be sucha brilliant idea since our grades are at stake. but it's painful having to read everyone's contribution and comment back etc. worse still, the topics are some theory crap which none of us understands. the only theory i got as far as to understand is on Maslow's hierarchy of needs. screw that theory since it is rather obsolete in our present society. and i seriously don't give a damn about trying to motivate others or finding out what are the factors motivating us. there are so many factors that can motivate us that there isnt one perfect theory that encompassess all these factors. plus, those silly theories dont even take into account the ethnic practices and beliefs which could be a form of motivation for some people. I seriously hope that the thick head teacher of mine would realize that nobody gives a damn about the discussion so that he will stop posting so many topics on the board. does he seriously think that we are so free as to keep up with some kinda mindless discussion? and worse still, it's so painful to read through scattered-brain stuff posted by some freakin idiot in the class. i am not impressed at all by that kinda idiocy. i had better stop labelling others idiots since idiocy can be borrowed and i may juz turn into one someday.

I went to pulau ubin on sat, it was the first time i was there. Call me suaku but hey, considering that i dunno how to cycle, it is not surprising that i havent been there before. Thank goodness, I rode pillion on a bicycle on sat. I was rather insane to think about walking around the island. It is really scary to be the pillion rider on a bicycle when the road is so bumpy and every turn, my heart almost stops because I am so afraid of freaking out which will in turn cause the person in front of me to lose control of the bicycle. i am amazed at myself for being able to keep calm and eventually enjoy the ride on the bicycle. riding downhill is the best because of that thrilling feel about going down. Pulau ubin is really a laid back place, i love the kampong ambience. it gives me a sense of serenity. i have never experienced such a feeling before. never have i ever seen such a laid back kinda life either. i freaked out though when it came to the toilet facilities because it really sucked big time that i dont even wana recount what happened. there was this morbid looking scare crow wrapped in plastic, it looked awfully scary especially when its eyes were coloured red, which made it seem as if it was bleeding there and some places were eerily quiet, abandoned huts exuded an evil aura. *shudders*. On a lighter note, there was a huge quarry which was beautiful and despite being afraid of heights, i still took a pic there. there was this orchid garden owned by an old man and he kept a huge, ugly, disgusting wild boar, two peacocks (one of which spread out its tail, what a rare and beautiful sight!), ducks which were quacking away happily, kampong chickens which didnt look meaty enough to be eaten, some birds which look suspiciously like turkeys, parrots (which were traumatized by profanities thrown at them) and other smaller pretty looking birds. I really had great fun at ubin. unfortunately, heavy rain had to come and spoil it all. Thus, we didnt get to explore the entire island. damn. I hope to go back there someday again and destress. It is really a therapeutic feeling to "be in harmony" with the rustic life.

darn, my flooble has disappeared once again... do pose ur comments using poseurs...

i wonder what are the dilemmas faced by the singaporean men in the light of increasing feminism in sg? do they don on the snag suit when they are with their gal and chest-out when they are out with the big boys? do they face an identity crisis? will this identity crisis stir up an emotional turmoil in them? will this mean that there will be an increase in hormones, which cause women to be emotional, in men? i am not sure about the biological part but i am pretty sure that there may be some psychological effects on men. not all men, but some. as more women take on high flying jobs, more men get panic attacks of not being able to outdo these women and feel that their patriarchal position and perhaps virility are threatened. this would be a much celebrated scene for most women though. but this is probably short-lived for women since gender stereotypes still perpetuate, subjecting women to a subordinate role in society. ironically, these stereotypes are sometimes perpetuated by women themselves by allowing themselves to pose in commercials which undercut the female role in society. with dumb ass ads such as Dove, it is no wonder that men still view women as bimbos who are more concerned about their appearances and such trivialities rather than the bigger things in life. seems like the only way to hopefully put a stop to these stereotypes is to completely cut the media off our lives and go back to stone age where women were probably given more power then. *shrugs* sad to say, nobody really cares about the subjection of women, neither do i to a certain extent. with such mentality, it is no wonder that women continue to suffer thus.

I am so darn glad that I am done with my thesis. It was laborious. Funny how i contradict myself when i swore never to do another thesis in my life again but now, i kinda miss the process of doing it and wana do another. strange huh? perhaps i am masochistic, enjoying the pain of doing it. well at least the huge burden is taken off my mind and i can finally concentrate on my sch work and all those silly readings. just have to bear with this final semester and i am finally free to make my own money, spend it and feel good about myself :) i shan't write anymore. wana zzz... *yawns*

PS: Shuen, I think your cleaner is out to get you, she's already successfully engaged you in some mind games so beware muahahaha.

Here's wishing everyone a Happy Lunar New Year! Hope your ang bao collection has been fruitful :)