Are representative samples ever representative of the rest of the population that is under survey? My readings tend to make sweeping statements about so many things simply because their subjects are representative of the population that is being researched on. The irony is that they tell us how they also take into account individual differences. “Individual” means that each of us differs in different ways so how can we reach general conclusions about a certain group of people? I don't think that their findings should be the mouthpiece of that group of people for it would be unfair. I find it ridiculous when researchers say that boys perceive reading and writing as a feminized practice, based on their research. Different cultures inculcate different values about literacy. How can we generalize based on the feedback received from a bunch of mischievous school kids? Are they even mature enough to provide answers? Sometimes, I think that findings based on research done on asking kids for their opinions are not credible enough because these kids are not old enough to reflect and think carefully about what they want to say before shooting their answers. There is also the perception of authority and politically correct answers which kids would definitely give to an adult stranger for fear of being punished for saying the wrong things. I am glad that I am given articles which are highly controversial because it means that I have more to write in my assignments.

Research is done to improve current conditions, or so they say. I think that research is just part of the wild goose chase. You conduct your own research because you want to prove something and disprove others' findings. Meanwhile, other people will try so hard to disprove your own research and prove theirs. I suspect that their main aim is to popularize their own ideas, and not to improve current conditions which they claim. At the end of the day, this quest is just a wild goose chase because there is no single right or wrong answer. We cannot and should not absolutely refute others' findings as there is always a grain of truth in their research and just as much as we hate to be disproved in our work, others would certainly dislike their own work to be rejected. At this rate that I am criticizing others' works, I should be ashamed of not practising what I have just preached. I suppose I am just so tired of encountering controversial research that I try to give them some credit while the other part of me needs to criticize for the sake of grades.

I witnessed an interesting incident last night. A fight occurred at a foam party and it seems that the reason for the fight started because a girl accused a boy of molesting her during the party. She must have made a big fuss out of it that her gang of friends confronted the accused who in turn sought help from his gang. They started hollering at each other. I think this whole thing is so juvenile. I mean, why drag your friends and get them to fight with other people when this problem should be settled between you and that boy? why not just report it to the authorities? in the first place, if you go for a foam party, u gota be prepared to expect it to be sleazy. With all that foam floating around, people can't see well and may accidentally touch one another. I am not saying that the accused is right either but i feel that the victim didn't know how to handle this wisely. It's amazing how both gangs can quarrel all the way from the beach near the NTUC resort to the Rasa Sentosa resort. Well, thank god they didn't start bashing each other up with glasses.

Too bad, most of what I predicted didn't come up in the X files final episode but I am glad that I guessed correctly that Mulder managed to escape from the prison and that at least one of them did go to the morgue to check on the bodies hehe.. Anyway, I like the part when Mulder said: Why do they stop man from finding out the truth? Are they trying to destroy truth or do they want to destroy the man who wants to find the truth? There were a few good lines or quotes they mentioned in the show but I can't recall offhand now, I kinda miss the show :( I love the warped theories which they suggest in almost every episode. I was really amused by the final revelation of the truth which is....... the aliens will invade Earth in the year 2012. These script writers are even more warped and cornier than me. I am amazed how they evade the love chemistry between Mulder and Scully. The most they ever show is them french kissing in a very platonic manner, not one of those hot passionate kisses. Even right up to the very last minute of the finale, they only show the intimate friendship that they share. Perhaps their love for each other has transcended to pure love which need not be shown in a randy manner. Despite the near similar plots found in most of the seasons of X files, I feel that every now and then, they show sparks of refreshing brilliance and the way they film certain episodes is really good. I suspect that some of my warpedness comes from X files as it has probably entrenched some belief in me and that is... aliens are more advanced than us in other planets and that some of them have already landed on Earth. They are probably plotting to overtake the Earth and even infamous terrorists will be defeated and tremble at their feet. Who knows, the aliens may just get rid of those terrorists first because they pose a huge threat to the aliens as their insane thirst to rule the world may be greater than the aliens'. I suspect that some of the aliens have managed to mate successfully with real Earthlings to produce the so called super soldiers as seen in the X files. Cool, we don't even have to depend on genetic engineering to produce "designer" babies, we can simply mate earthlings with aliens to produce such babies. It may not be such a bad thing if aliens rule the earth as long as they don't kill the innocent but only kill the terrorists as the aliens can share with us their knowledge of technology and maybe other areas such as the arts, finance blah blah. I wonder if Nostradamus ever predicted an alien invasion? If so, which year? Maybe WWIII will be a battle between the human and the alien race? U will never know... hehe...

I hope I have paid enough tribute below to the X files by creating my own version of the finale based on my knowledge of what's been shown in X files. It is in its final season and left with one episode more, I kinda miss the series as they have pretty warped but cool theories. Sighh, the beauty of sci-fi.

This is my version of the X files finale, continued from today's second last episode...

Mulder and Scully have finally revealed the US government's conspiracy plot. However, the panel refutes their defence on their findings of aliens and viruses. After the last witness to defend Mulder had proved to be of no help, Skinner and Scully decided that Mulder should escape from the highly guarded prison or he would be hung for the murder of a military man who is actually a designer human aka a super-soldier. Meanwhile, Agent Doggett went to the mortuary to examine the cadaver of the super soldier but he was denied access. He argued with the security guard and out of exasperation, Doggett knocked him out cold. Wasting no time, Doggett quickly looked for the super-soldier's body but there wasn't a single body in the whole room although it was claimed to contain the bodies of the military men. It dawned upon him that the people who have been hung for killing these "military men" were innocent as all these military men were super soldiers who would never die.

Frustrated, Doggett searched for the profile of the super soldier who was "murdered" by Mulder on a nearby computer. As he scanned through the files in the computer, he finally spotted the picture of the person he was looking for and quickly downloaded the file into his diskette. He managed to sneak out of the mortuary and went to Scully's house to view the file...
It was military trial again. Doggett was summoned as the next witness.
Kersh: What evidence have you got, Mr Doggett?
Doggett: I have evidence here showing the existence of super soldiers and that they were created by the US military. Years ago, the virus that lay dormant in the bodies of our ancestors was awoken by the government's scientists. Experiments that were done on innocent soldiers as scientists sought to refine the strengths of the virus to create a super-human. The genetic structure of these innocent soldiers was mutated into that of the genetic structure of the first Martian that was discovered in Roswell by the government but the structure keeps changing to adapt to changing environments. Put these soldiers into an inferno and their body will change to become fire-proof. Tear them apart and their body will regenerate newer cells at an incredible rate which no ordinary human can achieve. Destroy them in the worst possible way and they will still haunt you. They never die, which means to say that Mulder never murdered the super soldier, he is probably in hiding to implicate Mulder.
Kersh: Are you implying that the military is accusing an innocent man in order to protect a non-human species? Do you know that if this accusation is found to be untruthful, you will be sentenced under military law without question?
Doggett: I will bear the consequences but I believe that my evidence here is sufficient to prove the truth.
Kersh: Truth? By whose truth? By Mulder's truth?
Doggett: You can take a look at this copy of the evidence I gathered.
Kersh: Where did you get it from?
Doggett: The mortuary.
Kersh: I believe that the place is out of bounds and that you assaulted a guard in your bid to trespass on government's property. Do you plead guilty to that crime?
Doggett: Yes, if it means that I can get an innocent man off the guillotine.
Mulder: Doggett! I am not worth your protection. If this panel before me finds me guilty and sentences me to death, I would die with the knowledge of truth, with the knowledge of my sister's abduction and the knowledge of the government's conspiracy.
Doggett: I won't allow you to be a martyr or you will be more well loved than me. I have yet to prove my worth to many people out there so don't even think of taking away my glory.
Scully: Doggett, do you know what you are saying? I do not want to lose anymore partners. I have no more energy left to deal with Mulder, not to even mention, you!
Kersh: Doggett, do you plead guilty to your crime of trespassing on government's property?
Doggett: I will if you submit these documents as evidence and let Mulder go.
Kersh: We will give you two days to think carefully.
Kersh and the rest of the military officials rose to leave...

Scully, Skinner and Doggett in Mulder's cell.
Scully: Mulder, what the hell were you thinking of when you talked about bringing the truth into your grave? You must fulfill your duty as a father, you can't just leave me like that!
Mulder: I am sorry Scully. All my life, I have tried so hard to uncover the truth of my sister's abduction by aliens and now that I know what is going on, I am contented to bring these secrets into my grave. I would really wish that I won't forsake you like that but there's no turning back now. The government's conspiracy has to be exposed so that young children will be spared the sight of seeing their very own sibling abducted by aliens. And only then, will our child be safe from alien experiments.
Doggett: Mulder, you can't just walk out on Scully again after having walked out on her so many times! She can't carry on with the X files if you quit on her like that, would she still have the heart to continue finding out more truth without your beliefs? Don't you want the X files unit to remain forever and not be closed? If so, you had better think twice about what you want to say in your defence.
Silence.
With a heavy heart, Scully, Skinner and Doggett walked out of Mulder's cell.
In Skinner's office...
Skinner: Looks like Mulder will not compromise the truth in order to save his ass. We have to do something about it.

That very night...
Skinner: I have special permission to take away a prisoner by the name of Fox Mulder for Kersh summons him.
Guard: May I see the letter of request?
Skinner: Sure.
As the guard unfolds the piece of paper which Skinner handed him, Doggett sneaked up and struck him unconscious. Again.
Hearing the slight commotion outside his cell, Mulder became alert and hoped for an opportunity to escape. Indeed his prayers were answered when the door slid open and Skinner and Doggett beckoned him to escape as fast as he could. Mulder nodded appreciatively and took to the stairs. Skinner and Doggett quickly headed back to Scully's house. Meanwhile, Mulder grabbed a set of the security guard's uniform along with a cap and managed to walk out of the prison safely. When he was out of sight, he mulled over where he should go. He thought it was best to bid Scully and his child farewell before he goes into hiding.
When Mulder reached Scully's house, Skinner and Doggett were already there. They prepared a briefcase full of money and clothes for his escape. As Mulder hugged Scully who was sobbing badly, the sound of shattering glass broke the unearthly silence of the night. The door swung open and several super soldiers appeared. Wielding a spanner and an automatic rifle slung across their shoulder, they marched a la military style towards them. Mulder and the rest instinctively dived behind the couch to avoid becoming the practice targets that they used to shoot at everyday. Using the couch to shield them, they crawled quickly to the bedroom, slammed the door amid the noise of bullets ricocheting off the walls, scooped up the baby from the cot and jumped out of the window. They ran as fast as they could but the super soldiers chased them at super human speed. To their horror, they saw more super soldiers coming from all sides of the field. They were trapped...

As they closed in on Mulder and the rest, the baby started to wail. Almost immediately, white light shone from above and the super soldiers immediately kneeled down. Squinting their eyes, Mulder and gang could vaguely make out the silhouette of a dish-like object. It became evident that it was an UFO. It hovered above them and as the intensity of the white light increased, the baby began to float up.
Scully: No! That's my baby! You cannot take it away!
A voice from the UFO: You have known all along that your child is not ordinary and you should have anticipated this day. The harder you try to protect him, the more your loved ones would die. Make a choice, it's either your baby or your loved ones.
Scully: Give me back my baby! You have no right to use him as your experiment!
Voice: Do not worry, he will not be treated in the same way as Mulder's brother. He will not be scarred or hurt physically. He will be safe because he holds the source of control and power of our universe. Without him, other planets will implode because of the chaos caused by various elements. Without him, all forms of life will die thanks to the inner random collisions caused by their very own cells. The air will be highly combustible as negative and positive ions fight for space in each oxygen molecule. It will no longer be positive O2 as the negative ions will try to invade into the space of the positive ions, therefore causing friction and bursting into beautiful but destructive fireworks. Think about how human life will cease to exist. Give me your child and your life would be spared by these soldiers. Do not be selfish.
Scully slowly let go of her grip on the floating child as she sung a last lullaby with tears in her eyes while Mulder sneaked a loving peck on the baby's cheek and hugged Scully tightly. The intensity of the white light grew as the baby neared the UFO.
Voice: Leave and perform your duties as usual, wipe this memory off tonight, leave these people alone from now on. Their baby, we must thank, for permanent cosmic control we are privileged with, thank your saviours and keep this gratitude in mind for life. Harm them and he shall terminate your life.
In a trance like state, the super soldiers nodded at these words and walked away. Once again, the night sky was clear and the twinkling stars were especially bright. Scully crumbled to the ground and Mulder kneeled, praying to the cosmic powers high above...


THE END

I am rather frustrated with the content of my readings. I keep coming across writers who talk about mainstream literacy practices and how non-mainstream people are not privileged to acquire these practices and thus fail in school. I am shocked that the writers are elitists and biased. They fail to consider external factors which may contribute to the failure of the child in school such as the lack of opportunities to participate in class or other discriminatory factors. I also question the use of the terms mainstream and non-mainstream. Who is to judge which groups are mainstream and which are not? By numbers? If so, that is not fair, a large group of X race doesn't mean that their language or literacy practices are practised all around the globe or nation. Even if it is, it doesn't mean that it is effective. However, these are the people who have the power over the rest of the minorities. Ironically, it is not the government who defines educational policies but hegemony. Again, this would differ from country to country. I wonder if one day, minority groups become richer than the mainstream groups, would they become the mainstream group instead despite their small number of people? Would literacy practices be redefined again? This is the ever changing nature of literacy practices as groups of people struggle to define themselves. With conflicting views of what mainstream practices are, the act of trying to define them reflects the selfishness and elitism of the definer. Although there are black writers out there who struggle to voice their opinions of what literacy practices are in their viewpoint, we should not pity them for having been oppressed for so long because they are just as power hungry as the "mainstream" people. I feel that I have treaded on sensitive ground and that I have become more jaded after reading so much on literacy. Which are the right or more effective literacy practices we should adopt to teach children? Although observations of the effectiveness of certain pedagogical methods can help us to decide which practices to adopt, I feel that they may not be applicable to each and every student. What's applicable in the US isn't applicable here. Every child brings a different culture with him to school and if we force them to take on these practices, they may not adapt well. The world of linguistics is always in constant conflict, struggling to define the most basic literacy needs of people and along with these struggles, theories evolve and newer ones are borne. And I don't know why I am majoring in it.

I think my classmate is directing her questionnaire in a highly biased way as she tries to get us to say that speaking Singlish is the most effective way of forging a Singaporean identity. She failed to give us the options of agreeing that food and the multi-racial culture help to give this Singaporean identity. I would have chosen these options over speaking Singlish. The other options she gave include hanging the national flag, singing national songs and attending national day celebrations so the most sensible one was to pick the Singlish option. Another reason for not choosing the rest of the options is because I know that there is a chance that the education ministry would pick up her thesis to get some feedback on Singaporeans' attitude towards Singlish. So if I had picked the other options, I think those officials would be glad to know how patriotic Singapore students are. And that's something I refuse to show. I am not anti-government, just simply anti the education system. And what's new, my school is always plagiarizing our assignments so that they can polish the shine on the boots of those officials by showing them the new pedagogical ideas they have come up with. But, I can't afford to screw up my thesis and I don't want to. I will have to make it darn good but I have to remind myself that I had better put some copyright stamp at the end of my thesis and a note to those suckers that if they ever wana plagiarize my ideas, they had better get my permission and pay me. Hope they will allow me to graduate though :P Hehe. I am losing my interest in my thesis really fast because of the enormous amount of literature review that I have to do. It is taxing and I am reading from really good essays to throwable essays (essays that can be incinerated immediately). But at least all these readings are keeping me occupied and I am glad.

Going for a hair cut is really therapeutic. I feel so destressed after a great haircut. I feel as if the burden of my hair that has been weighing on my shoulders is gone. Needless to say, I feel and look younger too :P When my hairdresser first snipped off large amounts of my hair, I felt really upset coz they had accompanied me through the months. But if they had added weight to my body, I would be glad to be rid of them.

I was amused by a Shanghainese lady who was next to me. She piled up magazines on her lap while getting her hair cut and when she was reading the magazine, the rest that were piled up started falling off her lap every few minutes. And the best part is, other hairdressers who happened to pick up the magazines from the floor started to pile them up on my table instead. hehe. Anyway, I am glad that I had sucha good deal on this haircut and protein treatment. It was rather cheap because of ongoing promotions. Phew, at least my pocket isn't burnt.

I was just thinking about the Merlion issue that was raised in Sunday Life yesterday (damn, I prefer the word sunday plus to sunday life). I have never figured out how the hell did Singapore come up with such an ugly creature as a national icon. Is it some kinda effort to make it look like a Greek creature? I understand why they chose to use the lion but the fish? So what even if Sg started off as a fishing village? It just doesn't make much sense to put in a fish tail. Why don't they simply stick to one creature? It is really gross to combine two creatures into a colossal freak. Worse still, they have to compound the words to call it the Merlion and they are so proud of calling it the Merlion! Gee, it sounds like the name for a female lion. If primary school kids do not know that the female lion is called a lioness, they would think that it is the Merlion since Mer comes from Mermaid which belongs to the female species. Those goons also had to add a water feature to the Merlion but getting it to vomit out the water. And they do not even realize that by doing so, Singaporeans use the word Merlion to refer to vomitting out something And they are still proud about this national icon. I am so darn amused that the government spends so much just to move a "vomitter" and glorify it. Perhaps, we should drag a few drunks to vomit side by side along with the Merlion and we shall see how similar they look.

I have been gorging on snowskin mooncakes. My favourite kinda mooncakes. And I am putting on weight. Damn. I dislike the traditional type of mooncakes coz I think it is more fattening. It's really hard to tell which is worse but the snowskin ones don't seem as fatty and the ingredients are of better quality. I love the durian ones though I know those add on more fats. Argh, I should just stick to more green tea and birds nest since they taste great and are not as sinful as the durian ones. I suspect that my excessive indulgence in mooncakes has resulted in my weight increase. No point whining about that coz it's my fault for failing to curb my appetite for them. I wonder if too much mooncakes cause constipation? Just a weird thought here. If it does due to the "heatiness" caused by them, I would definitely cut down on them :P Anyway, I hope that I will be more motivated to diet and not be tempted by these lovely, smooth, sugared, delicious, irresistable.. Damn... mooncakes...

A year ago, you cooked something special for me. U fed me with your food of love. U made me feel that I aged with grace. I felt so lucky. A year ago, u dedicated a song to me in front of everyone else. U made my special day so memorable. But today, I sit here waiting for your call, hoping you would make my day special once more. But I know that unless I forgive u, I do not want to hear from you again. I wish those memories will fade out fast. I wana be alone, I don't want those memories to accompany me. I don't want to feel bitter anymore.

I need to learn some art on sarcasm from alvarny and dante. My friend just told me that I overuse the word "idiot" as a form of retort and that reflects badly on me. Sigh. I didn't realize that coz I do not strive to consciously use that word, I think it is some kinda automatic defence mechanism? Or perhaps it's just that I lack wit or sarcasm. But then again, I wouldn't wana hurt people unwittingly if I ever get too sarcastic. Not that I am saying that Alv and Dante hurt people when they are sarcastic but I know that I am capable of hurting people if I get too sarcastic. Or at least, when I consciously use sarcasm, I strive to make sure that it hurts that person. Hmm, bad habits die hard. I agree with her that "idiot" is overused and it reflects badly on me but I don't see how badly can it reflect on me since people around me know that I use it in jest. Well, I wonder how people will react if I become deliberately sarcastic in the future instead of simply jesting away with the "I" word. I think people won't like it but since sarcasm is preferred to pure harmless jesting, I shall adapt myself. Call me psycho but I dare say that I am not.

My organs hurt and many other parts of my body hurt. My eyes are going dizzy after surfing for my research for hours. My brain hurts from the information overload. My back pain is getting worse, the little stretch exercises at intervals don't help. Damn. I'm ready to kick ass if some bugger comes along to irritate me.

I wish i have time to take up meditation classes. I want to be at peace with myself. I want to recollect my sanity. I want to understand why things turn out this way. Maybe then it will help me feel better. It may help me understand your reasons. And I will forgive you.

I just attended my convocation yesterday. It was fun seeing the goofy faces of the graduands on the plasma screen, we were all commenting on almost each and every face. Some of them deliberately made funny faces when they were on stage like puffing up their face so you could see what kinda monkey face they were making. When it was my turn, I had to make sure that I smile at the plasma screen. And as I concentrated on looking at how good I look on the screen, I didn't realize that my shoe nearly came off. Thank goodness I had the presence of mind to wriggle my feet deeper into my shoe to prevent it from slipping out. Then I started to be more conscious of how I was walking and worrying over my mortar board coz I was afraid that my hairpins would fail me and the whole board will just fall off. Thank goodness, it didn't. It was really hilarious trying to get the gown and mortar board in place. Girls swarmed the toilet before the ceremony to try and figure out the right way to wear the darn stuff. Friends were helping each other to put safety pins on each other's gown and worse still, accidentally stabbing their friends with the pins into their shoulders. I was cringing in pain when my friend helped to pin my hair to the mortar board. It was that painful. Gosh. It was a hassle wearing all these and it was so hot! But I didn't bother taking out the gown when I took photos because I thought I look smart in it hehe (though nerdy thanks to the ugly mortar board). And of course, I had to wear a halter neck top inside and that made my back bare so my friends were asking me if I am wearing clothes inside. Gosh. Gals were slipping their hands underneath my gown to feel my back while others were shaking their head at me, telling me that I am so daring. I didn't care because the dean couldn't possibly go up to me and tell me that I should dress more decently harhar. That's the kick of breaking the rules right in front of the dean and the lecturers and they can't even do anything :P Anyway, I had sucha wonderful time yesterday, taking pictures with friends, capturing moments of pride and happiness on everyone's face. But I can't imagine going through the same stuff again next year. Only the pathetic few of us would be giving each other support, I wonder if it would be less fun because most of my friends wouldn't be there? Sighh..

Ah, I just remembered that I just had a very strange dream. Alvarny and Dante, I dreamt of you guys trying to solve some questions posed to us by a teacher and these questions are related to Art and Literature. From my analysis of the dream, I think I am screaming for help in my studies but dunno why you guys appear in my dream to supposedly help me solve my questions. Hmm, I didn't see the face of the teacher clearly. Maybe that face is mine. Perhaps there was a double me in my dream. Cool. ;P

this blog is specially dedicated to my dearest classmate who just gave birth to a lovely baby girl. After all the weeks that I have been trying to place my ear to her tummy to listen for kicking sounds, she went into delivery earlier than expected. But I am so glad she's given birth and she was gushing excitedly about how her little girl looks like her husband and that she has a perfect face... Awww... Can't wait to visit her. I was amused when she told me that she wanted to give tutorials on labour pain in the hospital as she said that the pain was so unbearable. *shudders* I can't imagine going through that. I will probably pass out from that kind of pain. I really admire how mothers have to go through so much pain and perspiration to give birth. In addition, stool and piss come outa your body when you try to push the baby out. I can imagine how messy it gets. Poor doctors who have to put up with the shit...

Anyhow, I am really happy for my friend but too bad she won't be able to attend the convocation ceremony tomorrow but that's ok since we still have to attend another one next year and next year is the more important one... quite duh that we have to attend twice but nevermind about that.

i just got mind screwed by my friend today. she told me to stop denying the fact that i am still in depression coz i was happily bitching away. i tink i tried too hard to look happy. gee, she really told me off. she told me to move on and be truly happy. the more i bitch, the unhappier i am. but i still have so much pent up frustration. i am about to tear my readings apart as i can't focus. i keep getting distracted by little things. i think i am suffering from some form of attention deficit. deep inside me, i am scared shitless about screwing up my exams. wish that there is some kinda brain washing machine so that i can wash away the bad memories. if only selective amnesia is that easy... oh well, i had better head back for my studies... sighh...